Waiting in line at the checkout

When we examine the essence of happiness, it boils down to the disparity between how you experience events and your expectations of how things should be. When these don’t align, when something fails to meet your expectations, disappointment sets in. The reverse holds true as well. If you learn to approach events differently, to have lower or even no expectations, the likelihood of disappointment diminishes, and you’ll find more happiness.

Let’s delve into an experiment: you’re grocery shopping and expect to be done in 10 minutes. However, it’s crowded, the self-checkout isn’t working, and you find yourself in a long line at the cashier. You glare irritably at the new cashier, who is slow, at a full shopping cart ahead of you, and at an elderly person struggling to find exact change. You sigh: this is going to take a while, nothing ever goes your way. Conclusion: an unhappy feeling.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Next time, go grocery shopping without expecting it to take a certain amount of time. When you end up in line, use the time to strike up a conversation with people next to you—who turn out to be more interesting, fun, and kinder than you thought. Help the elderly person ahead of you, who gratefully smiles at you. Smile at the cashier in training to reassure her. Use the time to brainstorm a solution to a work problem. Work out an idea for your new website. Listen to music. Focus on your breathing technique and try to achieve complete relaxation. As you can see, there are numerous ways to use your time productively.

Once you realize and practice this, you’ll leave the store with positive energy and a sense of happiness. It can be that simple.

Reflect on a recent work event that dampened your mood. What were your expectations then? How realistic were they? What can you do differently to prevent this disappointment in the future? Look at the event from a different perspective, accept it as it is, and see how you can turn it to your advantage.