Loving gossip
Adaptive leaders ensure a safe environment with a foundation of trust. If this foundation is present, even the more challenging conversations can take place. One way to do this with a team is loving gossip. While gossiping is not heard by the person it is about, loving gossip is heard by that person. It is loving to give someone insight into your thoughts and speak honestly and respectfully.
- Choose a question on the topic the conversations will be about. For example: I want to grow in my role but don’t know how to. Or: I want to know what my pitfalls are in the team so I can better manage them. The condition is that everyone participates equally (so there will be spoken about you, and you will speak about others).
- Have the team sit in a small circle, close together to create a “we” feeling. One chair is outside the circle, with the back to the circle. In turn, someone sits on this chair and receives feedback on the issue. The people in the circle talk about the person outside the circle. They cannot look at this person. They talk about the person as if they are not there: as openly and honestly as possible. The person outside the circle cannot see who is speaking and who is listening. A round lasts exactly five minutes.
- After five minutes, have the feedback receiver turn to the group and briefly share how it was to receive this feedback and which part stayed with them the most. The others don’t respond.
- Continue the exercise until everyone has sat outside the circle.
Tip: have the person receiving feedback write down what is said. This way, they can look back later and perhaps gain new insights.
